I am parked at the elementary school across from her house, listening to the rain pound against the roof of the car. I feel dislocated and ghost-like. I am a cadaver bored wth its own funeral. The painkillers are making it difficult for me to concentrate. The streetlight to my left flickers for a few moments and then deserts me. Ash grey clouds seal off the sky, ensuring that God will not be able to see what I am about to.